


Another Day Without You

by Maisie_top_trash



Series: Unseen - Fear Will Lose [20]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Grief, M/M, Moving On, Recovery, Schizoaffective Disorder, You guys this is part of a series so you probably get the gist by now, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-03 09:02:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10964022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maisie_top_trash/pseuds/Maisie_top_trash
Summary: Unseen Fear Will Lose is a series of single chapter stories showing unseen scenes from the same universe as my main story, Fear Will Lose. In order to fully enjoy these extra bits, I recommend you go and read that first.Fear Will LoseAfter the many story finished and after Todd and Tyler's engagement, they're spending another family Christmas together. Their traditions are similar to most, eating too much food, watching the same Christmas movie classics over again, oh and visiting the cemetery.





	Another Day Without You

**Author's Note:**

> Gonna be real with you guys, literally just sat down and wrote this in one sitting, haven't even spell checked, so it's probably gonna be a hot mess but enjoy! I'm in the middle of my exams and I'm finding any reason to do anything except revise, hence all the updates :P x

Christmas had been good. Christmas was always hard, it never really changed, but this year was good on the grand scheme of things. Tyler's mom had hosted, just like she did every year, and Todd and William went just like they did every year since the fathers got engaged 3 years ago. Zack was there with Tatum and their sons Ben and James, Maddy was there with Will and their twins Lottie and Tia, Jay was there without his relatively new girlfriend Emily, and Tyler's grandparents were there too. Even Isabel had joined in on the festive fun despite only legally becoming their daughter a few weeks ago, everyone was there except Josh.

Waking up on Christmas Day without him by his side wasn't great, but it wasn't overly upsetting. After 11 years of waking up without him by his side, Tyler had to grow a thick skin and learn to cope with the disappointment. And if he was perfectly honest with himself, it wasn't always disappointment; some days he would open his eyes and Todd's smiling blue ones would meet them and fill him with warmth, other days William snuck into bed with them and it's impossible to feel disappointed when looking at his beautiful child. After all he loved Todd, he loved him so much, and he loved their family unspeakable amounts. Just Christmas always meant a thought to the man who always had been and always would be his first love.

But no, Christmas had been good.

Todd and Tyler had both taken a day off work at the end of November to properly take the time to shop for their kids, that and also to have a snowball fight outside the mall like two teenagers until the mall cop told them to stop and they ran away with their tails between their legs and grins up to their ears. If had been a lovely romantic day with very successful results.

Together they had bought William his very first DSLR camera, something that the child had been pining over for the last 8 months. It never even crossed either of their minds that he wasn't to be trusted with the expensive and delicate piece of equipment, it was his dream to be a photographer - even dressing up as one for Halloween - and they were both in silent agreement that the 10 year old deserved one. Knowing William, there was no doubt he'd be more competent with it after 10 minutes than they ever could be. And as an added surprise they had bought the lenses most recommended by the guy in the store that Tyler was 100% sure was speaking a different language; William hadn't been given them yet, but they would be a birthday present for him in a few days time.

Isabel had been slightly more difficult to find a gift for. The 5 year old was settling in remarkably well and Tyler was so proud of her, but nevertheless she was only recently adopted and they didn't truly understand her favourite toys yet. She was too nervous and shy to ever make bold statements about things she loved or things she hated, however both Todd and Tyler were proud to discover they had hit the spot. Her face was filled with a toothy grin when she unwrapped her toy kitchen set, and immediately ran across the room and threw herself at the couple with a surprisingly tight hug for such a little girl.

Todd and Tyler had both agreed not to get each other gifts, they had both broken the deal and by complete coincidence had pulled the exact same prank on each other. Tyler had bought Todd a boom entirely written in music notation, knowing he couldn't read music, and Todd the bilingual had bought Tyler a book entirely written in French. Of course the only mildly funny gifts had ended up being hysterical, well, to them at least.

The day had been pretty traditional, pretty normal, eating too much and spending hours undoing the plastic ties in the backs of toys that Santa had given the kids. Two runs to the corner store for batteries. Four trips to refill the wood pile from the shed. One prayer for Josh.

Christmas Day ended with a traditional Joseph basketball game out front. Everyone had worked together to shovel the thick snow from the court, which obviously ended in Tyler and his kids and his nieces and nephews burying Todd in the pile that was quickly forming. Todd had laughed and laughed and laughed until Tyler was sure he was about to freeze to death, so pulled him out and hugged him warm again.

The whole family attempted to play in a game that because more and more complicated as everyone added new rules and new handicaps to offset the tiny kids who could barely hold the ball until eventually the rules bared no resemblance to the sport at all. Trampolines and space hoppers were intertwined with piggybacks and tennis balls and about a dozen hula-hoops added for bonus point areas. It was complete and utter nonsense and it was absolutely hilarious.

They played for about 20 minutes before the twins got too cold and went inside with Maddy, and Isabel and James and Tatum followed not much later, leaving the guys plus William. Tyler was surprised by how much game William actually had as he kept up with the big boys, but after half an hour it was eventually too much for him and he started having an asthma attack. Todd, being the responsible father he was, had an inhaler in his back pocket and they both sat with him on the ground whilst he wheezed and gasped and took puffs every 30 seconds. After much longer than Tyler was happy with, the boy's breathing calmed a little and he picked him up and carried him inside then cuddled him close whilst Todd wrapped them in a blanket.

It was probably Tyler's favourite part of Christmas if he was truthful, having his stepson wrapped in his arms by the warmth of the fire and holding him whilst he calmed down. Todd went back outside and Tyler was able to maintain a quiet and gentle conversation with William as he regained his strength and his confidence slowly. He was 10 years old and on the verge of being too cool for hugs, but cuddles with William were Tyler's favourite. Hearing the way he wheezily yet happily told him about all the gifts that Santa had got him filled the stepdad's heart with joy as he listened to the innocent naïveté of a child who still believed.

It was beautiful and dispelled any sadness over Josh not being there too.

The day after Christmas, Boxing Day, was pretty good too. In the morning they took a whole extended family outing to the park so that the littleones could burn off all the sugar they had consumed and try out all the various scooters and rollerblades they'd been gifted. Snowmen were built and then destroyed in yet another snowball fight that would more accurately be called snowball wall of mass destruction. Eventually they all trudged home with snow sticking to their every surface, then been shaken down by Tyler's mom then given a hot chocolate each and ordered to sit by the fire to warm up. Lottie had been given Frozen on DVD by Santa and before long the entire family were singing along at the top of their voices.

However the more days that passed after Christmas, the harder it got. The further away from Christmas, the closer to the anniversary.

It was 11 years today to the day.

11 was a scary one Tyler decided. Last year had been a scary one, a whole decade, a double digit number, a tearful one. And yet this year, magic total of 11 years without him, it was that bit more scary. They'd been together for 11 years, and thinking about the fact that he'd been gone almost longer than they'd been together was completely and utterly terrifying. Everything was utterly terrifying and the anniversary was supposed to get easier over time but Tyler kept unearthing milestones that he was sure were significant, he just didn't know why and he didn't know how to stop it. He knew he had to stop it, stop this breakdown on a day that should be about Josh rather than himself for a change, it was just hard.

"Ty honey,"  
"Hey," he looked up from his half peeled nail to see Todd stood half in the doorway of their bedroom at his mom's house. Tears were running down his face and Todd was understandably concerned but clearly understood why.  
"Can I come sit?"  
"Course." Ty nodded and wiped his cheeks as the taller man carefully sat beside him on the mattress and fondly placed his hand in Tyler's knee.

"Isabel and I just got back from the florist, she picked out some really beautiful orchids for him." Todd said gently, barely above a whisper. "And before you ask, yes, I got him some lilies too."  
"Thank you."  
"I know they're his favourites."  
"Yeah," he sniffed.  
"Holding up okay?"  
"I'd be lying if I said I was fine, but yeh, I'm managing."  
"S'all I can ask for today sweetheart." Todd reassured him slowly.

"Todd."  
"Ty,"  
"Do, um, do you think he's worried about me?" Tyler looked up at his fiancé, tears distorting image a little but not interrupting the loving gaze of the bright sapphire eyes.  
"Well should he be? Is there something to worry about darling?"  
"No, no I'm happy, you guys make me happy, you, you make me happy Todd."  
"And I'm sure he knows that and he's very proud of you. It's not like he doesn't know what's happening, he's watching over you remember? He watching right now, and I bet hearing you say those magic words, I'm happy, means absolutely everything to him. He's not worried, he's happy that you're happy."  
"I just,"  
"Keep going, I want to listen."  
"He was worried, you know, when he passed away. I was not well at all and he was always worried, and I can't get this thought out of my head that he's stuck in that state, stuck worrying without ever knowing that I managed to get better and find you and the kids." Tyler felt the tears stream. Todd watched him for a moment, then let out a tiny sigh and lied down on the bed, gesturing for Ty to do the same. He did and cuddled himself into Todd's firm chest, feeling safe in his arms.

"Peter, you remember Peter? My best friend in the army."  
"Course I remember Peter."  
"So you'll remember how he went, in fear and no doubt a lot of pain. If I let myself imagine, even for a moment, that he's still in that same position then that's torture for me but also for him. He's up there, very few ways to communicate with me, but he's watching very very closely and I know that he will be worried and he will be upset if he sees that I'm hurting myself by thinking that way. I need to have a little faith and have a little trust in him that he's okay, in the same way he needs to have a little faith and a little trust in me that I'm going to look after myself. Does that make sense?"  
"Yeh, I'm, I'm making him worried by worrying myself over whether he's worried."  
"Exactly."  
"S'just hard,"  
"Course it's hard Ty." Todd hummed as he hugged him tightly. "But you know what? God doesn't ever give us more than we can handle."  
"Yeh,"

"You don't have to say it back, but I love you Tyler."  
"I love you too, so much."  
"And it's okay if you still love him as well, it's okay."  
"I think I'll always be in love with him."  
"That's okay, I don't mind sharing."

"Daddy, Lottie took Tia's cup and she was playing-"  
"William, William what did I say?" Todd told the child who had entered the bedroom unannounced. "I said don't come in Daddy and Papa's bedroom today. If there's a problem with the twins then tell Maddy or Will."  
"Papa are you okay?"  
"Yeah I'm okay littleman." Tyler nodded, sitting up again.  
"You're crying."  
"William." Todd warned but Tyler didn't mind the youngster joining them, and gestured for him to climb up onto the bed too. First he pulled his trainers off without untying the laces, then climbed up and crawled to be next to Tyler, he'd barely turned and sat before Tyler picked him up and moved him so he was on his lap.

"Why are you sad?"  
"Do you know what today is?"  
"4 days till my birthday?" He smiled hopefully and Tyler laughed as he cried.  
"Yes, yes it is 4 days till your birthday. Do you know what else?"  
"What did we do 4 days before your birthday last year?" Todd helped him out.  
"Go and see Josh." William replied.  
"Yeah that's right." Tyler told him, stroking the child's hair and ignoring the water dripping from his own cheeks.  
"Is it the day he died?"  
"Yeh,"  
"Oh," he said, thinking to himself for a moment.

"I thought we already went and saw Josh? With Nanny Kelly too?"  
"Yeah we did, that was Christmas Eve though William, that's a tradition and a fun time to visit him and tell him funny stories and laugh and be happy. Today's a bit more of a sad day." His dad explained as Tyler focused on breathing.  
"Can I still come?"  
"If you'd like to, yeah," Todd nodded. "But Daddy and Isabel and William are going to give Josh some flowers and say a few words, and then we're going to go and sit in the car and let Papa talk to his husband."

 

 

  
Tyler knew the best way to weave the rows of paths through the cemetery, knowing the site better than the back of his hand, and William was the same after roughly a dozen visits himself. Isabel had only been once before, Christmas Eve, but William held his little sister's hand and showed her the way whilst Tyler held Todd's hand and walked at a more steady pace behind the children.

His mom had dressed the pair whilst Todd focused on Tyler and making sure he was as okay as possible, and they looked adorable. Todd was chief clothes buyer in the household, citing that he didn't spend all that time in the closet and not develop a sense of style. William was wearing smart black dress pants, a pleated white button up shirt and a sweet little baby blue bow tie, all hidden underneath a long grey coat that was very similar to the one Todd wore. Isabel had black leggings on and Tyler was slightly concerned her legs would freeze, but she looked sweet with her favourite top on and a fleece lined armless felt grey cape that bounced as she walked. Her beautiful black ringlets were half up half down, held by a baby blue ribbon that matched William's bow tie. They looked stunning, certainly fit for the occasion.

The family of four arrived at the gravestone and Tyler winced when he read the name, he always did. A whole mass of flowers in various bunches of various colour and various varieties were already placed on the grave, some theirs from Christmas Eve, most of them recently placed by other members of Tyler's family who had visited whilst he cried in his room. The volume of support was a little overwhelming to be frank, but Tyler was pleased that nobody had forgotten about him.

"Now, Isabel, William, this is a very special thing you're doing." Todd let go of Tyler's hand with a squeeze and crouched in the snow between the children, who listened closely. "Josh is very special to us, he's a member of our family and we love him lots and lots. I know it's sad that we never got to meet him, but that doesn't make him any less important. He's Papa's husband which means he's like another daddy for you two. Josh never got to have any of his own children, but now he's got you two."  
"I've got 3 dads." William grinned proudly, and Tyler smiled tearfully.  
"Yeah that's right, and how about you Issy? How many have you got?" Todd asked her.  
"Daddy and Papa and Josh and Dad."  
"Yeah you've got your birth dad too, 4 dads, not many people can say that, can they?" He smiled and she giggled a little.

"Would you like to give Josh a flower guys?"  
"Yeah!" Isabel said excitedly but still softly, so Todd pulled out a single orchid from the bouquet she had chosen earlier and passed it across to her.  
"If you would like to say something nice to Josh or to Papa then you can do that too darling."  
"Ummm, well," she rocked on her feet sweetly as she held the stem between her small fingers. "Well, well I'm happy you're my other dads,"  
"That's lovely, now, do you want to place it down there next to those pretty flowers?" Todd pointed for her and she nodded then carefully put it beside the grave where she was told. Her actions were delicate and loving and Tyler was helpless to stop the tears escaping the corner of his eyes.

"Come here," he whispered and she walked to be by his side. Tyler scooped up the little girl and rested her on his hip, and she reached up and wiped his tears away with her soft fingers.  
"Don't cry Papa,"  
"I'm sorry angel, but thank you for doing that for Josh, that was, that was really nice."  
"You're really nice." She beamed.  
"So are you princess." Tyler replied with a sad smile, then placed kiss on her temple.

"Do you want to do one William?" Todd offered the older child an orchid and he nodded then stepped closer to the grave.  
"Hi Josh, um, it's William. I came the other day and I come a lot with my Papa Tyler, I don't know if you remember me. Um, I like it when Papa tells me stories about you, you sound really cool and friendly and I wish I could meet you. I hope you had a good Christmas, and, yeah, I hope you're okay." William said and Tyler let out a small sob, so Isabel wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tight.

"Can I put my flower down?"  
"Yeh," Todd nodded.  
"Here you go, it's a gift for you Josh, Merry Christmas." William put the orchid close to Isabel's, then joined Tyler on the other side and hugged himself into Tyler's hip. The widowed man put on hand on William's shoulder appreciatively and supportively, and continued to hold Isabel up with the other.

"Daddy do one." Isabel said.  
"Me? Okay, well I'll do the rest of the bunch." Todd nodded, taking the plastic packaging off the bouquet and stashing it in his pocket, then carefully arranging the remaining flowers in one of the many vases that had been put there over the years. He remained crouched as he spoke to the grave.

"Hey Josh, it's Todd, Merry Christmas bud. It's always hard to know how to start something like this, but there's a lot I want to tell you. Firstly, thank you. Thank you for taking such good care of Ty, for always looking out for him and caring for him no matter what, for helping him through some sad days and some bad days and making them a little smilier. Thank you for making him so happy for so long." Todd said, keeping it kid friendly, and Tyler couldn't help but cry. "Also thank you for looking out for us from up there. Your guiding hand has sent many blessings our way, most recently our beautiful daughter, and we're all very grateful."  
"That's me!" Isabel realised and Tyler leant his head against hers lovingly, squeezing his eyes shut for a brief moment.

"Yes it is sweetheart. So thank you for Isabel, and thank you for every other little thing you've done for Ty and for me and for our little family. We promise we won't ever take the good fortunes you provide for granted, and we're going to make the most of every moment of happiness that we have. And I promise you Josh, we're looking after him, I'm looking after him." Todd finished, then stood up and reached across to take Isabel from Tyler's hip. The little girl latched onto the taller of the couple and William let go of Ty's leg, giving him a moment to take some deep breaths.

"Now Papa's turn!"  
"Yeah that's right princess, Papa's turn, but we're gonna give him some time by himself. William, do you mind showing your sister over to the pretty angel statue over there? Daddy will only be a minute." Todd said.  
"Yeah okay, come on Is," William nodded, taking her hand when he put her down on the snowy ground.  
"Say goodbye to Josh."  
"Bye,"  
"Bye," they both waved, then went off hand in hand to just outside of hearing range.

"Thank you so much for that," Tyler whispered as Todd held both his hands and made strong eye contact.  
"Pleasure, didn't they do well?" He smiled, looking over his shoulder at the children.  
"Yeah,"  
"Didn't you do well?" Tyler's fiancé went on to say proudly and Ty let out a little laugh between the gulps of tears. "Still want some alone time with him?"  
"Uh huh." He nodded.  
"Alright honey, I'll take the kids to the car."  
"Thanks,"  
"We'll only be across the street if you need me." Todd said gently and again Tyler nodded. "Remember that it's okay if you hallucinate, don't panic, as long as it's a non violent episode then it's okay to just let it happen. However if you're upset or scared then tell me, call me straight away and I'll come back, or come and get me, whatever's easiest."  
"Yeh,"  
"Did you take your medication this morning?"  
"Yeh,"  
"And you've got your PRN with you?"  
"Yeh," Tyler replied.  
"You can do this sweetheart." Todd told him, pulling him into a hug and resting his lips against Tyler's forehead for a long minute.

"Do you want my coat?"  
"No, I'm warm enough thank you,"  
"To sit on?"  
"Todd, honest, I'll be fine."  
"Yes you will Ty, yes you will." He said firmly, squeezing his hands then letting go.  
"See you later, and thanks again,"  
"Take all the time you need darling, and goodbye for now Josh." Todd said, stepping to stand at the very end of the grave with his feet right next to one another. Tyler watched at the veteran saluted as a sign of respect, then was at ease and gave Ty a little wave before following the path up to where the kids were waiting patiently.

"He's good, isn't he?" Tyler began speaking to Josh, clearing some of the snow away beside the headstone and tucking his coat underneath him before sitting down next to the last monument of his husband. The lilies Todd had bought were within reaching distance and Tyler picked them up and brushed off the snow before plucking one imperfect leaf from a stem.

"For you, my love." He said, stretching to put them right up against the granite, close to where the engraved words read loving husband. "Aren't you popular hey? Lots and lots of flowers, lots and lots of people wanting to come and say something to you. You better be listening Mr Dun-Joseph." Tyler sniffed tearfully.

"I don't really have anything I want to say, anything I need to get off my chest. There's no secrets between you and me Josh, nothing I need to confess or anything I want you to know. Everything I am, I share with you, you know that right? And right now, right now I'm in love. It's taken me a really really long time to accept that and more important accept that you're okay with that. After all, love is happiness and safety and comfort and security and hope and every other emotion I know you would want me to feel. Love is not cheating on you. Isolating myself and distancing myself from any sort of attraction or joy or potential excitement isn't something I should be doing as some sort of way to honour you. You don't want me to honour you, you want me to be happy and I am, loving someone else is making me happy and I think you're more than okay with that. At least, that's what I'm choosing to believe." Tyler said, watching the wind tug and shake the leafless trees, hoping for some sort of sign, or at least something he could convince himself to perceive as Josh agreeing.

"And you know what Josh? I'm okay if you find someone else too. I don't know what things are like up there, I don't know what's going on or who you're with or whether things are even remotely the same, but if you find someone you like then go for it babe, I want you to be happy too. Your whole life you put me first, ensured I was happy before even thinking about yourself. Well you're allowed, in fact I encourage you to put yourself first now sweetheart. You don't need to always be watching over me anymore, I'm safe I promise, I don't need constant supervision anymore. Take a night off, go meet up with Debby and do whatever it is you angels do up in Heaven. I'd love it if you two tried things again, or maybe she can be your wing angel and find you your own Todd. Find your happiness in your stage, don't feel you need to keep looking back for me."

Tyler took a little break to mop up tears and regulate his breathing. The urge to sob was bubbling but he wanted to keep it at bay this year, wanted to demonstrate all the progress he had made to Josh, wanted to be okay for his fiancé and his kids and himself. Wanted to keep himself together this year, not get sick.

"It's just difficult Josh," he whispered as he wiped more of the fast flowing escapees. "I want to move on with my life here, I want you to move on with your life up there, I just don't want to move on from you, I don't want to let you go."

The snow was beautiful and piled an inch tall on the tops of every grave for as far as Tyler could see. Snow was white and white was synonymous with pure and innocent and good, with lambs and doves and it seemed so peaceful. Tyler needed a little peace and knew that Todd gave him that, but even 11 years later he wasn't ready to drop Josh and jump in head first.

"I miss you everyday. I don't think of you everyday, my heart doesn't break everyday, I don't feel upset everyday but I do miss you everyday. It's not always consciously, there's just this consistent sense of, well, I don't know what it is Josh. It's not lust or longing, it's not hurt, it's not fear or grief, it's just a feeling of, um,"  
"Of change." Josh answered. Tyler looked to the source of the sound and saw his hallucination of Josh crouching by the grave and reading the notes left among the flowers. He noticed Tyler's gaze and stood up to move closer to him, sitting down opposite again. Ty was aware he was a hallucination, but that was okay, it just meant that this was what his mind needed right now.

"That weird feeling, it's the acknowledgment that something has changed and things are different now. It doesn't mean for the better or for the worse, it's just different."  
"Yeh," Tyler squeaked as he absorbed every tiny detail of his husband's softly smiling face, desperately recording the way he looked so that it would never be forgotten.

"Change can be good, change can be something you learn to accept, change can be a simple constant of life. It's up to you Ty."  
"I, I don't know,"  
"That's okay, you don't have to know. Would you like to talk it out?"  
"If I accept it is, is that it?"  
"Is that what?"  
"You and me, is that us done? Officially over each other? I accept the change and the feeling goes away, so you go away? You don't mean anything to me anymore?"  
"Well it doesn't erase history, I'll always be your husband, but if you don't want that to come with any emotional catches then yes, that's you officially over me."  
"No, no I, I don't want that." He shook his head tearfully and squeezed his eyes tightly as a choked sob clawed its way up from within.

"Ty, Tyler it doesn't have to go away, that feeling and that connection to me, you don't have to sever the ties, you can have it both ways. Be with Todd, love him, devote yourself to him and feel no guilt as you raise a family together. However don't extinguish that sense of change, nurture it, keep it, tell Todd that you want to maintain that backseat link to your past and to me. He'll support you with that I promise, he won't push you away from me, you're allowed to miss me and love him."

"I can't lose you again Josh."  
"You're wrong Ty."  
"I can't, I can't," he sobbed.  
"Hey, hey look at me, you can do anything you damn well please mister. You're the master of your own destiny Tyler Dun-Joseph." Josh smiled like he was inspired but Tyler couldn't stop crying. "I'm already gone, we both know that, and you took your time but you managed to work things out. In fact you managed to work things out so well that now your mind is toying with ideas of letting me go completely. You're not losing me Ty, I'm not being ripped from you, you're choosing to be ready for me to not be a part of your life anymore."  
"I don't choose that, no, no I want to unchoose it, no, not ready." Tyler shook his head desperately.  
"Tyler calm down, ability and want are very different. All I'm saying is you're able to let me go-"  
"Not!"  
"You are Ty, you're able to let me go now, and if you want to then that's okay. However if you don't want to, if you don't want us to be done then that's okay, you can hold onto us."

"How? Please, how, how do I keep you meaning something to me? Please," Tyler managed to say a moment later.  
"It's a bit of a silly question, isn't it?"  
"Please,"  
"You remember Ty, that's what you do, you remember me." Josh told him. "If you want me to mean something, remember what I meant to you when we married, remember when we were kids living in those twin beds in your mom's house, remember the days down by the creek, remember the days in hospital, remember the day we got married."  
"I remember, in the woods, sunset, fairy lights, it w-, it was perfect." He sniffed shaky breaths.  
"If your little spark of me needs fuel, let yourself think back and let yourself use the memories."

"I'm scared Josh."  
"Of what?"  
"That if, I, I, if I remember then I'll fall in love with you a-again, but y-you'll be g-gone."  
"You're already in love Tyler." Josh hushed him soothingly. "You love Todd, he loves you. If the memories of me are too strong, make new ones with him. From now on you have to love him more than you love me."  
"What if I can't?" He whispered.  
"Tyler you already do, and that's okay." The hallucination said and Tyler took a timeout to evaluate what Josh had just told him. It wasn't really him, it was a part of a Tyler, but was it a part of him that was telling the truth? Were his feelings for Todd stronger than those for Josh?

"Call him."  
"Huh?" Tyler wiped his cheeks and made eye contact again.  
"Todd. Call him."  
"Why?"  
"Because you're scared that talking to me is going to make you fall in love with me. Talk to him and remind yourself how much you currently love him."  
"But, but today's your day, I wanna, I wanna talk to you Josh." He said but got out his phone anyway, playing with the corner of the case.  
"Tyler when you sat down you were talking all about how much you love him and how you're okay with letting yourself move on with him. Call him, hear his voice. I'm your past, he's your future." Josh told him calmly, and Tyler sniffed then unlocked the device and called he most recently dialled number. As he held it to his ear and waited for it to connect, he looked up and saw that Josh was gone.

"Ty? Everything okay?" Todd picked up the line.  
"I love you Todd."  
"I love you too, more than anything. Do you need me to come and get you?"  
"No no, uh, I'm coming to you, I'm done here."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm gonna read this back one day and see so many mistakes, but who has time for proof reading???  
> Don't forget that the series is open to suggestions, so comment below <3 lots of people came up with ideas first time round and I made a note on my phone but unfortunately my phone got wiped so I lost them all, if you can remember an idea that I haven't done yet but you requested, comment below cx  
> Looovvveee yyyaaaass xx


End file.
